A Really Raunchy Place

I tried to think of something to write about Martin Luther King Day, but I couldn’t think of anything. So I wrote about something else.

Ever wonder when the world will end? Or if it will end? Christians wait for the Second Coming of Christ. Judgement Day. A thousand years of peace. What is meant by peace in this respect, anyway? Will all the bad guys be in Hell and the others lying around on the beach all day? Will we still have to work for a living? Will there still be unemployment and Social Security checks coming in the mail? Will we still need the money? How about health care? Will it be necessary? Will we still have pain. What about heart disease and cancer? Will they still plague us or will they go away? Will the survivors still need to buy life insurance? How about car insurance? Would it still be necessary to have a retirement plan? Or will life with Jesus be without stress altogether? Eat, sleep and be merry? To be truthful with you, it sounds a bit boring. I think humans need a bit of stress in their lives in order to be happy. Notice I said “a bit.”

There have been a few threats that the world may end. The end of the world was supposed to arrive on December 21, 2012, and that had quite a number of worriers worried. Of course, the world was supposed to end in the spring, three years ago, and it didn’t happen. But the guy who said it would said he was positive about the 2012 date. He has never been right in his predictions, but still, so many people worry. Like I said, some people need a little stress in their lives. A real fear of the world ending would certainly provide stress. Like this business with solar flares and EMPs. I don’t think about these dreaded events much; there is nothing to be done about them anyway.

I wonder how it will happen – the world coming to an end, other than the Second Coming, which could come at any time. Ever notice that some people will believe some guy screaming the world is coming to an end next month! The sky is falling! When nothing happens, they believe the next nut, then the next, but they never even consider the Second Coming as a possibility?

What might have happened on December 12, 2012? Any ideas? A huge meteor striking the earth and demolishing it? The sun flares up and sets us on fire? Some dread disease circles the globe and kills all it infects? A clan of paranoid pygmies attacks taller people? Mad cow disease causes angry bovines to attack those who would make hamburger out of them? (What a movie that would make – where’s Steven Spielberg?) Killer bees? Blood-thirsty vampires? Enraged werewolves? How about an invasion from outer space by giant frogs?

I can see it now. A giant, shiny saucer-shaped thing swoops across the planet, followed by a fleet of similar craft. They are casing the joint. They want to know what we are all about. Are we smart or stupid? What do we eat? How do we pass the time? What do we work at? Are we good shots with our hand guns?

Satisfied they had little to worry about, they land. They form into squads of reconnaissance units and spread across the land, hopping and croaking to beat the band. They creep up to windows and peek in at us. They slip into our attics and watch us do stuff they have no business watching. They see us watching reality TV and playing computer games hour after hour. They listen to us lie and cheat each other. They see young men walking around in public with the cracks of their butts showing, and they see young women walking around in public wearing tank tops with large amounts of fat hanging over their belts. They witness us conniving to get government checks and otherwise cheat the taxpayers, and they are appalled. They croak loudly at the effrontery of it all. They are left croakless in their attempts to describe our behavior. But they are brave, and they plod onward.

 They watch politicians lie to the voters, as they say one thing and do another. They watch business people cheat the government, and they watch business people cheat the public. They watch as people steal from their employers, and watch as they steal from each other. They watch as school teachers teach lies about the history of our country, and how they stood by and watched a wretched bunch of anti-Christian putzes remove all vestiges of religion from our schools. The aliens’ eyes were bulging in disbelief, their bodies quivered in disgust. They hopped back to the mother ship, hardly able to control themselves.

“My God (yes, alien frogs believe in God too),” they cried in unison. “It can’t be! It’s a horrible place.”

“Get us out of here! Pul-e-e-eze!”

“Never seen anything like it!”

“Bogus. Burn the place down!”

“It’s a  really raunchy place. Everything’s for sale. The universe will never miss the likes of it! Ditto to burn it!”

Well, we were wondering how the world might end. This is just one scenario. There are others.