Monday, June 19, 2017

Sticking It To the Gaggle

I’ve been waiting all morning to hear a report that President Trump started the horrific forest fire in Portugal that has swept a good part of the country and burned many towns and scores of homes.

After all, it’s just the sort of thing the Left would accuse the president of doing.

Also, I’ve been listening for an item that reveals the president’s complicity in Bill Cosby’s mistrial. Or the shooting of Congressman Scalise.

This just smacks of Republican shenanigans. There is no other reason for it. The Republicans have nothing better to do than perform outrageous skullduggery on the hapless populace. Then, of course, use the Left’s trick of blaming someone else.

Certainly the worst of Republican crimes is leaking. The scoundrels in the White House have a frolicking good time leaking on the government they have stewardship over, or so the Left would have us believe.

In my many years as an observer of politics I have seen nothing like the spectacle we’re seeing now. The unprofessional conduct of the Left leaning gaggle is momentous, frightening, and unforgiveable. That the once-trustworthy news media could turn colors and betray an entire country is unconscionable. The treachery displayed by them against Mr. Trump and his government approaches treason, in my view anyway. 

I well remember how the gaggle went after Richard Nixon. It’s doubtful whether the gaggle cared if Nixon was guilty; they wanted him out of office. (Though one wonders why they settled for Gerald Ford.)

The gaggle pulled out all the stops to see President Nixon off into retirement, but did all they could to cover the many crimes of Slick Willie Clinton and his thoroughly corrupt wife. We all know there is no shame on the part of the gaggle, so we won’t look for any. But how about some jail time? I have an abiding opinion in my soul that says if the Right stopped acting like a bunch of whipped pups and prosecuted some of the obvious crimes against the Trump administration, there would be a lot fewer crimes committed. Makes sense. Right?

The problem with this scenario is that the Left has the Right on the run. Republicans and those that lean right are afraid they will be accused of something. So they run and hide. When was the last time someone on the Left was accused of something that anyone in law enforcement took seriously? Makes one wonder what’s going on in law enforcement, huh? The idea that an eager investigator can’t come up with something with which to charge a guilty party on the Left is patently ridiculous. All the lying and the leaking and lowdown skunky behavior: There has to be some illegal activity somewhere; after all, this is the Left we’re talking about.

The thing that irks is instead of jumping in and helping the Trump administration Make America Great Again, the Honking Gaggle chooses to dig in its heels and go the exact opposite way. I realize there are those out there who like what BHO did to the country. Hell, I know one and this asshole brags about how wonderful he thinks the country is doing right now. Sure, he was doing fine on his NYS teachers retirement, never mind the 95 million people out of work. He didn’t care about them. Typical Leftist asshole.

It doesn’t appear that the Leftist media or the Leftist world at large wants to see America get straightened around after the devastation of the BHO years. They must like things the way they are. As long as they have a paycheck coming, the hell with everybody else.

Most of the people I talk to are of a Conservative bent. Few of them could explain what a Conservative is, other than “I ain’t no damn Commie.” But they can tell you what a Conservative America looks like – happy people, plenty of jobs, a means of taking care of themselves (meaning no welfare), opportunities for starting businesses – all things the Left despises. 

What Conservatives don’t do is turn on the President of the United States, tell lies about him and his family, and among other things, accuse him of crimes that amount to treason, with no proof whatsoever. Conservatives may disagree with the president, may even become angry with him and yell a few dirty words. This is legitimate.

But you don’t carry on the way the shitheads on the Left are doing. What they are doing amounts to treason and arrests should be made and prison sentences handed out. The Left has promised it will never let up in its attacks on the president. Powerful people on the Right need to grow a set of balls.

One way to stop the onslaught is send a few thousand Lefties up the river,  see them leak from Sing Sing.


Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Enjoying Yankee Baseball Again

Yankee fans who have slipped away over the past few years may want to revisit the YES channel for some really good baseball.

Bronx Bomber management has added some darn good players over the last couple of years that just might – maybe – provide a few World Series appearances in the near future – and maybe a ring or two.

Rookie outfielder Aaron Judge just might be the real thing.
What real thing, you ask? Would you believe Joe DiMaggio or Mickey Mantle?

Yeah, I know it’s much too early to know for sure what Aaron Judge will bring to banquet over the next eight, ten years or longer. But currently he’s leading the American League in homeruns (22) and RBI’s (49), BA at .347. Judge won the game against the Anaheim Angels yesterday with a two-run dinger in the 8th. He’s a big fellow, bringing a six-feet, eight inch, 280-lb frame to the plate with mucho power. Sunday he rammed a near line drive 495 feet for a his 20th homer. Reportedly, he’s a cool dude with no ego. Just an easy laid back guy.

Catcher Gary Sanchez is getting his eye at the plate, after a slow start and a spell on the DL.

DiDi Gregorius, the best all-around shortstop in the league, is hitting .344. Second baseman Starlin Castro is second in the league in hits (81), while batting .328.

Aaron Hicks, currently in centerfield, is hitting .313 standing in for injured Jacoby Ellsbury. Last year Hicks couldn’t hit a lick. Time changes everything.

Four starting players batting over .300 – sounds like an all-star team.


The past few years I’ve strayed from my attraction for watching Yankee baseball. They just weren’t playing well – or it could be that that team just wasn’t a good team. They lost games they should have won, and it seemed that if they ever fell behind, the game for all intents and purposes was over. At seasons end they managed a one game playoff with the Astros, in which they failed to score. My opinion of the talent on that team cratered – it seemed to me they weren’t even trying to squeeze into the playoffs. All they wanted was to head to the golf course or go fishing, or otherwise start their vacations. My interest – because of the talents of Judge, Gregorius, Sanchez, Castro, Hicks, and veteran Matt Holiday (all new talent)  has returned, and I am once again enjoying watching Yankee baseball.


Back in ’04, I was in the same quandary. It got to the point I wasn’t  watching TV in the pm, except for an occasional western movie. My wife had started back to work – she always worked nights – and I was back to my job of waking her.  At that time of day it was always too easy to fall asleep myself, so I turned on the TV. Not wanting to get involved in anything lengthy, I went to the YES channel to watch the Yankees for a few minutes.

A curious thing was happening. Not only were they winning nearly every game, they were coming from behind to win. Game after game. I began watching again. Who doesn’t like to watch their team win? Especially in come-from-behind style.

Then came the ’04 playoffs. Remember? Yanks up three games to none in the ALCS over the Red Sox. Everyone believing the Bombers were going to the World Series. Then the bottom fell out. The Bean Towners won the next three. The first sports team to come from an 0-3 deficit and win a best of seven series. Then to show they were not to be trifled with, Boston took out the St. Louis Cardinals in four straight in the World Series. It was their first series win in something like 86 years. The Curse of the Bambino held up for a long time, but was finally over.

Then just last year we saw the end of the Curse of Mrs. O’Leary’s Cow (or whatever) in Chicago. I find myself sort of thinking it would be nice to see Cleveland win a series and break its long drought – but not if they happen to be playing the Yanks, of course. We all have our priorities.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Using RICO on the Left?

The liberal response to the president’s rejection of the climate treaty was predictable. Had BO rejected this monstrosity, which he surely wouldn’t, the response would have been much different, as we know. I applaud President Trump for not losing his cool over the hypocrisy of the left. This accord would have done nothing but raise our taxes (yours and mine), meanwhile accomplish nothing as far as climate is concerned.

 They say the seas are rising, some glaciers are melting, but none of it means anything insofar as our (you and me) causing the heat of the planet to go up. (There has been no global warming in nearly 20 years.) Climate can, and does, change on its own from time to time.

Science has lost out to politicsglobal warming enthusiasts trying to dupe the politicians into giving them free money so they can study global warming, called currently climate change because global warming is a lie, as if their jobs depended on it, which it very likely does. But if your job is dependent on lying and attempting to hoodwink the governmentand ultimately we taxpayersinto giving you money for something that doesn’t exist, you need to find a new project or a new job. We know it’s a taxpayer rip-off when we’re told that China and Indiathe two biggest polluters (and you thought it was US, huh?) haven’t paid a dime toward preventing global warming and likely will not. It’s all bee-ess, just like the accusation that President Trump colluded with the Russians to win the election. Though there is no proof for either issue, the gaggle of geese keep spitting and honking.

I even hear it said that Rhode Island democrat senator Sheldon Whitehouse thinks it’s a swell idea to use the RICO laws (those used to put the racketeers away thirty years or so ago) to prosecute we who deny global warming. Can you imagine the temerity of this prickto deny those with a brain the right to freedom of speech. Question: why doesn’t this liberal twit propose the use of the RICO laws to go after terrorists?

“Hey, you, c’mere. Say, you look like a terrorist, you walk like a terrorist, you talk like a terrorist; I’ll bet you’re a terrorist. You’re under arrest for being a terrorist.”

“But, Ossifer, I didn’t do nothing. Honest.”

“Don’t matter. It’s called the rat test. If you look like a rat, you walk like a rat, you talk like a rat, you’re a rat. Let’s go!”

Actually, I say this tongue-in-cheek but it really doesn’t sound like a bad idea.  Problem being, it’s terribly politically incorrect and would never be allowed. How about using the RICO laws to silence the politically correct crowd? What a blessing that would be. Added benefit: recidivism rates in prisons would plummetwho would want to serve time with these maniacs?

I also heard the president of Francecan’t think of his nameinvited all the “geese” who opposed the president’s rejection of the accord to come to his countrythey would be welcomed with open arms.

Thing is, a good many of the geese are wealthy peoplemovie stars (who should be boycotted), politicians, industrialists, ad nauseaum) who own their own gas-guzzling airplanes, polluting the planet with every flight. The movie people are the worst. They use their talents (such as they are) to become rich and famous, then use their wealth and celebrity to tell lies about the environment and call for elimination of our rightsvis-a-vie their opposition to the Second Amendment.

There is no reason to listen to these people, trouble being, some of them contribute muchissimo bucks to the democrat party. (Now there’s another group we could use the RICO laws to get rid of. Think of itno freaking geese honking at every move the president makes or that would vote against us in elections. (I have some friends here locallyboth liberals who I swear go to vote at every election for the past thirty years just to nullify the votes of my wife and me.) Geese would be welcomed in prison, as I am led to believe most inmates are democrats at heart. But most are politically correct-what the hell does that mean, anyway? Politically correct? What’s correct about it? I suppose there is a political element there someplacepolitics and political correctness both smack of being loaded with bee-ess. As does liberalism, for that matter.  None of it makes any sense. It’s all bee-ess. But why is bee-ess running the country. It just doesn’t seem as though the winners of the election are doing very well.

Every time our president proposes some act or law or whatever to help get the country moving, liberals, mostly media types, attack him. I’ve got to hand it to him; I think if it was me being attacked by the gaggle of geese at every turn, I would feel compelled to strike back. Likely, I would regret my words later, but I think there would be certain times I would have say something vile. President Trump’s every move is for the betterment of a nation laid waste by his predecessor. And the left doesn’t care. The geese are still hissing and honking because Hillary isn’t president. To them, it’s all that matters. Whatever Trump does for the betterment of the country won’t matter-it will be attributed to something or someone else. (Wow! The RICO laws are sounding better and better, aren’t they?)

It would nice if there was a way to silence the geese, but then this wouldn’t be America. There is that darned First Amendment, and last I looked it’s we conservatives who abide by it, fight for it. It’s the geese we have to look out for .


Sunday, May 28, 2017

Some Verse for Memorial Day

I’m sick and tired of hearing this young generation denigrate the men and women of the American military. Without them there would be no Memorial Day because there would be no soldiers. There may be no America because there would be no soldiers fighting for it.

So here’s this bunch of no-accounts defaming the people who have and are protecting the homeland. These people have contributed nothing, have nothing to offer, and have no clue about what freedom means. They’ve always had freedom, never had to fight for it.

A lot of this attitude can be put squarely on American politicians and American middle school and high school teachers for failing to teach American history to students who desperately needed to learn the subject. Without history they had no way of knowing of the tyrannical governments that were everywhere before our own Revolution (and are still everywhere in the world, for anyone who cares to look around).

I sometimes wonder why former soldiers don’t confront those howling anti-American slogans and slamming those who go to war to protect the rights of our people. It could be they are prohibited from doing so, (it sounds like something BO would arrange. I understand ex-military were disarmed before being allowed to go home.

Below is a poem I ran across, written by a guy named Gary Huddleston (if you know him, be sure to tell him I attributed his poetry).

It’s called Battle of the Flag.

A protest raged on a courthouse lawn,

Round a makeshift stage they charged on,

Fifteen hundred or more they say,

Had come to burn the flag that day.

A boy held up a folded flag,

Cursed it, and called it a dirty rag.

An old man pushed through the angry crowd,

With a rusty shotgun shouldered proud.

His uniform jacket was old and tight,

He’d polished each button shiny and bright.

He crossed that stage with a soldier’s grace,

Till he and the boy should face to face.

“Freedom of speech,” the old man said,

“Is worth dying for, good men are dead,

So you can stand on the courthouse lawn

And talk us down from dusk till dawn.

But before a flag gets burned today,

This old man will have his say!”

“My father died on a foreign shore,

In a war they said would end all wars.

But Tommy and I wasn’t even full grown,

Before we fought in a war of our own.

Tommy died on Iwo Jima’s beach,

In the shadow of a hill he couldn’t quite reach,

Where five good men raised this flag so high,

That the whole world could see it fly.

“I got this bum leg that I still drag,

Fighting for this same old flag.

Now there’s but one shot in this old gun,

So now’s the time to decide which one.

Which one of you will follow our lead,

To stand and die for what you believe.

“For as sure as there is a rising sun,

You’ll burn in Hell ‘fore this flag burns, son”

This riot never came to pass.

The crowd got quiet and that can of gas,

Got set aside as they walked away

To talk about what they’d heard that day.

And the boy who had called it a “dirty rag”,

Handed the old soldier the folded flag.

So the battle of the flag this day was won

By a tired old soldier with a rusty gun

Who for one last time, had to show to some,

Our flag may fade, but the colors don’t run.

I could almost see this happening. It’s too bad we don’t hear about it happening. Maybe more than the kid in the poem would see the light.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Clemency: A dangerous legacy?

This business of Bradley/ Chelsea Manning getting a pardon for treason is incomprehensible. What the hell was B. Hussain Obama thinking when he deemed to set free a person who betrayed his/her country and put us all at risk? And what about our intelligence agents overseas?

I remember seeing, a number of years ago, a movie in which a foreign agent acquired a list of American agents working in Europe. A number of agents were done in by agents from Russia and other enemies of the U.S. Of course the star of the movie got away but only by the skin of his teeth. I must apologize for a failing memory, but I do not remember the name of the movie.

Not only is the pardoning of Manning a travesty (there should be a rule that states when a dangerous  convict  is set free by an irresponsible president, the next president, or an act of Congress) has license to revoke the discharge and return the dangerous criminal to jail where he/ she belongs.) But Obama set free nearly 2,000 prisoners, many convicted of serious crimes, like rape and murder, treason, of course, being the most heinous. There’s something to be said for the concern of Obama in attempting to empty federal prisons of nonviolent criminals, which he claimed was his intent. There are many stories of people (and not just minorities) receiving long sentences for paltry crimes. This should be rectified. No one should be in prison for twenty or thirty years for having a couple of joints in his pocket. And judges should be barred for handing out such sentences.

But when Presidents consider  clemency for hard-boiled felons, he should have an eye on public safety. A couple of reasons why should suffice to illustrate the point.  Some of you may be old enough to remember the 1988 presidential campaign, Republican George H.W. Bush vs. Democrat Michael Dukakis. Dukakis had just vetoed legislation that would nix a controversial weekend furlough program in Massachusetts. One prisoner chosen to participate in the program was a guy named Willie Horton, a convicted murderer. Horton went on the road and did not return to prison. He did, however, kidnap a man and his girlfriend, stab the man and rape the woman, then steal the man’s car. Dukakis’ continued support of the furlough program cost him the election. Horton’s case is the most notorious, but there are plenty of others. For instance, Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee can tell you about Maurice Clemmons, who was serving a 108-year sentence for robbery and theft. Governor Huckabee commuted his sentence to 47 years in 2000, making Clemmons eligible for parole. Nine years later, in November 2009, Clemmons walked into a Tacoma, Washington-area coffee shop and shot to death four police officers.

An observer of such proceedings must ask just what the hell these presidents think they are doing. If they offer early parole to inmates, why not chose those convicted of less-violent crimes. Chances of success would be must greater. Although the recidivism rate is higher than fifty percent, an opportunity to lower the number must be appealing.  And if one is running for president it may be a wise move to abandon the practice well before the election. (Huckabee lost any chance at a nomination due to his, dare I  say, stupid commutation of Clemmons sentence.

This near-the-end-of-term leniency isn’t the only foolishness these guys are up to. Under Obama’s reign, the U.S Sentencing Commission lowered the guidelines for a broad range of crimes, and made the reductions retroactive.  BO went crazy! The move triggered the largest release of prisoners  in U.S history. Something like 6,000 inmates found themselves free – they had served their sentences! I’ve been insisting for nine years that BO is an idiot – or he has intentions of destroying the country. He couldn’t quite pull it off himself so he’s released a gang of thugs to finish the job. I wonder how many of us will be robbed and killed because of the former president’s poor choices.

Of course, large and small groups of dumb-assed Democrats were (and are) sitting around sipping port wine and some kind of tea exclaiming that those who received pardons and reduced sentences are leading productive and law-abiding lives, and contributing to the community in meaningful ways. Well, maybe half of them are. The other half choose to go back for some of that yummy jail chow.
(I wonder how many of these ex-jailbirds have joined the rioters and anti-Trump crowds who are plaguing

Monday, May 15, 2017

Libs Support the Ridiculous

As has become obvious over the years, Liberals have a fondness for the ridiculous. In fact they sponsor it, and always vote for it when something ridiculous shows up before Congress. These people have no clue as to what is ridiculous and that which makes sense.

To wit:

As most of you know the EPA is crammed right full of Liberals – I don’t know how this fact could possibly escape anyone, given the agency’s track record. It seems that about fifteen years ago a Cornell – yes an Ivy-League school, no less, where professors are supposed to have brains, professor, last name Gregg (first name unremembered) was granted permission to plant trees in Manhattan, and more in the surrounding rural areas. Professor Gregg naturally surmised the trees in the suburbs would grow better than those in the smog-laden, polluted city. But after three years the professor was shown to be wrong. Turns out the trees planted in the city grew much faster than those in the outskirts. Instead of accepting the obvious – that something in the pollution favored tree growth – CO2 perhaps? – the professor hatched a brand-new theory! The researcher theorized that pollution migrated from the city to stunt the growth of the country trees. It was further thought (and I must paraphrase): “I know this sounds crazy but it’s true. City-grown pollution – ozone in particular – is tougher on country trees. It is obvious to me that by the time ozone is formed by the pollution in the city, the air mass has moved out to the suburbs.”

The point here isn’t what caused the trees in the city to grow faster but that this college professor took it upon his-/ herself to make up something to cover for the unexpected evidence – that CO2 – a greenhouse gas - causes plants to grow. Duh!

Oh, by the way, as you probably guessed, the professor was hired by the EPA.

Who says you have to be half-smart to be a teacher? Think the term “dumbing down” is just an expression? The New York State Board of Regents doesn’t think so.

The board will no longer require teachers to pass the Academic Literacy Skills Test (ALST) in order to become certified. After all, why should teachers have to be literate? The ALST proved controversial because black and Hispanic candidates passed it at significantly lower levels than white counterparts. The ruling comes after a federal judge ruled in 2015 that ALST was not biased, because it measured the skills necessary to teach.  Well that didn’t seem to make any sense to the liberal nitwits sitting on the Regents board. In fact, the board ordered that teachers who fail the test measuring practical skills (like lesson planning) to be certified anyway. And if they fall a little short of a passing grade, pass them anyway. This of course will make test taking more fair to prospective teachers, but it would seem to drop students deeper into the hole of ignorance because of dumb teachers. Dumbing down is not the right way to solve the problem of non-white teacher candidates failure to pass qualifying tests. What needs to be done is to make course material available to these people that will enable them to become smarter, hence become better teachers. American education has been sliding for years, and as long as the Regents board continues to make qualifying tests ever easier to pass, it cannot get any better.

If you’re wondering why today’s students have a tough time spelling or adding, look to the Regents board. These sorry liberal thinkers are responsible for the poor performance of both graduates and current students. They need to be replaced.
There are many, many more examples of Liberal idiocy, but there is space here for only a few.  We can explore more in the future.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Liberals Stole Their Education

It saddens me to read the many errors in grammar on Facebook (and other sites as well.) So many words are misspelled, the wrong words are used. And it is mostly adults doing the writing.

 What happened to the ability to correctly spell the words that make up our language ? Is it a simple case of being in a hurry and not caring about proper usage and spelling? I suspect some words are misspelled because the writer doesn’t know the correct spelling. It’s true, sometimes they don’t care, and that’s a shame. What happens when the writer is asked to write an intelligent letter (a resume) or a report for school. College professors are appalled at the lack of ability to spell and use words properly of students "graduating" from high School. I don’t think this is entirely the writer’s fault. I think poor spellers had a lot of help becoming poor spellers. It may have happened like this:

My pal Red State Louie and I were indulging in adult beverages at a patio table at the Golden Gulp and Glug Cocktail Joint in Washington, D.C. We were quietly discussing the political conventions, as were many around us. Politics was in the air!

We were marveling at how easily liberals accept HRC’s excuses for losing the election she was supposed to have won by a landslide. Suddenly, down the street came our barely bearable buddy Pud Politico, a real honest-to-gosh liberal hack. Pud wore a jokers-style hat and vest, checkerboard pants that he thought were the coolest thing around.  He was strumming his lips as he rode in on a skate board, mumbling “Hillary’s Great, Hillary’s Great.” He kicked the board up into his hand and dismounted, a stupid grin stretching his features into a “Gotcha” look. He tucked the board under his arm and flopped down in a chair at our table.

“That Hillary’s great, ain’t she?” he asked no one in particular. “Wow, what a woman, huh, Newshawk?”

“Are we talking about the same person, Pud?”

“Yeah, the woman who should be president, you know the one.”

“Yep, the one who looks and speaks like she wakes up with a bad taste in her mouth every morning.”

“She’d be a great president. Did you hear her concession speech?  Hillary would have made life better for everybody.”

“Pud,” said Red State Louie, “all her campaign rhetoric was the same stuff the Democrats have been promising in every election for at least the past 50 years. More jobs, lower taxes, better healthcare, fix the education system, national security. Yadda, yadda. But there’s been no change.”

“Yep. Yep, that’s right. Democrats are good at promising …” Pud’s eyes were bugging out now as his excitement grew.

“And doing nothing. Liberals have been promising black people a leg up for years – but have never delivered.”

“Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!,” sputtered Pud. “Why do they keep voting for Democrats then, huh?” This last in the same childish manner of a fourth-grader. We were surprised he didn’t stick his tongue out at us.

“I dunno. It’s obvious the libs have no plans to help blacks – or anyone else, for that matter. If they were they could have made huge changes for the better in the past eight years. Instead, they’ve made everything – and I mean everything – much worse,” I said.

“Yep,” drawled Red State, “healthcare’s a disaster. The economy, no matter how many times they lie about how good it is, is in the tank, and our education system went from being among the best in the world to pretty durn bad.”

“Mister, oh, mister,” called a young woman sitting at the next table over. “Aren’t you the Newshawk?”


“Would you mind answering a question for me.”

“If I can.”

“In Mrs. Clinton’s speech she spoke briefly about an incident that happened in Philadelphia many years ago. It sounded very important, but I don’t remember hearing about in school. It started with an R, I believe.”

“An important historical event that started with an R?”

“How about the Renaissance?” suggested Red State.

“No, that wasn’t it,” replied the girl.

“Thur was a French explorer named sumthing-or-other Radisson who trapped fur in Canada at one time,” mused Pud. “They named a string of hotels after him – big ones, too,” wiping his nose on his sleeve.

“How about retarded,” I suggested, nodding toward Politico.

“Reconstruction, perhaps,” said Red State.

“Or redistribution. We’ve seen quite a bit if that lately.”

“No, it had a V in it. Rev, something, I think.”

“Oh,” says Red State perking up. “You mean the Revolution. The American Revolution.”

“The what?”  asked the girl, her faced wrinkled in an ’I don’t know what you’re taking about’ way.

“The American Revolution was a war fought here in the United States. Americans were fighting England for their independence and ultimately their – and our – freedom.”

“We had to fight for our freedom?” she asked, taken aback by the idea. “Wow. That’s cool. That makes it so much more precious than just having it. But my dad says we’re losing our freedom.”

“Freedom. Fiddlesticks. Now you’re gonna blame liberals for losing our freedom. Ain’t ya?”

“Just what do you think political correctness is all about,” I asked.

“PC is cool, man. Gives you control over people.”


The girl, looking sad, asked, “Why didn’t I learn about the American Revolution in school?”

“The education establishment, owned and operated by democrats, elected to deprive grade school and high school students an awareness of their heritage. It’s much easier to turn young minds against their country when they have no knowledge of it or pride in it,” I explained.

“To bad you and others your age couldn’t sue government agencies involved in stealing your education, but they would never allow it.”

The sad young woman looked around as if lost, then asked, “What can I do?”

Red State and I thought for a minute, then shrugged.

Pud sat picking his nose.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Are the 2000s Really a Change from the 70s?

I was watching a little TV the other night and a commercial came on advertising  flowers. A man and a woman were carrying flats of flowers across the yard, the wife just jabbering away. The husband wants to know who she talking to.
“The flowers,” she says. “they like it.”
The question that always pops into my head when I hear this stuff, “How do they know?” How can she possibly know those flowers liked hearing her voice – or anyone’s voice, for that matter.  Maybe these were the flowers that developed a spritzer inside to punish those who said something they didn’t want to hear.
I thought about this for a few minutes then suddenly remembered somethings that happened back in the 1970s.
Many of you remember the Wacky Seventies. It was a wild and crazy time. The 70s had Clara Peller howling, “Where’s the beef?” Remember? And The Fonz  standing with a thumb in the air, telling you to “Sit on it!”
And there was Cap’n Crud cereal, Alpoo dog food, Chef Girl-ar-Dee spaghetti (as opposed to Chef Boy-ar-Dee. We had at our disposal  Knockoff’s Sugar Frosted Fakes, Cult .45 beer, Taster’s Choke Coffee, and Chimps Ahoy Cookies.
I think the 70s was the decade in which girls began wearing jeans with large holes so we could see they were really wearing underwear. (Or maybe it was the other way around).
Remember togas, bell-bottom pants, and shirts with huge collars that were seldom buttoned? Remember beads and Roman sandals?
TV was great. We had All in the Family, Happy days, Hawaii Five-O. There was the Dukes of Hazzard, Starsky and Hutch and M*A*S*H*
Some of the best movies were made in the 70s: The Godfather (Parts I and II), Star Wars, Alien, Rocky,  One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and Jaws
Some hugely popular music arose from the 70s: Rain Drops are Fallin’ on My Head, One, American Woman, Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, and the great Merle Haggard singing “Okie From Muskogee,” and “Bonnie and Clyde.”
Not only entertainment was on the front burner during the 70s. There were giant steps made in the sciences. For space geeks, Stephen Hawking theorized the existence of Black Holes and, most importantly, developed The Big Bang Theory, which has provided us with a really funny sitcom all these years later. Truly wonderful television.
Huge developments occurred in computers. Much progress was made in lasers and electronics. Scientology was hot, as was the Mahareeshi  Maheesh Yogi and Transendental Meditation. (My wife and joined a TM class, and after being giving a near hours lecture on how it was supposed to work, were instructed that under no circumstances were we to divulge our mantra – the word repeated silently to yourself while mediating. We discovered later that everybody had the same mantra! Kind of took the zing out of it)
The Viet Nam War ended in the middle of the decade. “Tricky Dick” Nixon reminded us there were underhanded politicians, with Watergate. Nixon resigned, but we had Woodstock to brighten the times. Thank goodness for Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix. Boo to Roe v. Wade.
But I think one of the most important events occurring during the 70s came with the revelation that plants talked to each other and sang to each other. And the most amazing aspect of this was it happened in the Fourth Dimension! Yep, that’s what the girls were telling us. (To clarify, it was college girls who pushed this idea. As you well know, we all operate in the Third Dimension, but the ladies were sure it was the Fourth Dimension the plants were chatting in.) Guys laughed it off as typical female hootspa. But the girls were adamant. Some swore they were privy to the music, and a number of them claimed the conversations were on a higher plane when they were grooving behind other kinds of plants.
It seems to me that as the 70s gave way to the 80s the Talking Plants of the Fourth Dimension faded away also. College kids were wild and wacky forty years ago, but I wonder if there are fewer Snow Flakes. I don’t think they went anywhere, or if they did, THEY’RE BAAACK!
Maybe we should ask them if it’s the grass they’re smoking or the flowers that are singing to them that makes the difference, and why it is the boys have become as flaky as the girls. 
Do You think it's because the 2000s are as wild and wacky as the 60s and the 70s, and do you wonder if they will ever change?

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

The Empty-Headed Blogger

If anyone out there happened to wonder at the lack of solid Conservative reading material (mine)offered lately, I have an excuse.  As mentioned before, there’s been some problems with medications. If you want to feel as though you’re in a nether world, let your blood sugars rage. When blood sugars are out of whack – either too high or too low – it affects your thinking. In fact, it is difficult to form coherent thoughts at all.
A couple of months ago I invited a young fellow over to straighten out my computer, which seems to be in the intermediate stages of developing artificial intelligence – it really does have a mind of its own. When he arrived I was in a blue funk. I couldn’t think to tell him my username or password or … anything ! For him, it must have been a spooky experience. He left with a promise to return the next day, but I never saw him again.
I went through a time when I was having way too many of these experiences. Things settled down a little – the episodes were fewer and not as severe, though it is “spooky,” to feel yourself drifting off, light headed and not quite able to form a thought. You “awaken” to wonder where you are and what just happened, and I must say, a bit frightened, on occasion.
I had just gotten past the foggy episodes when I went to see a dermalogist for a rash that had developed on my face and wouldn’t go away. The doctor, obviously looking for a silver bullet, prescribed doxicycline, an antibiotic intended for serious infections. One of its many side effects is confusion; and boy, oh, boy, that’s what I needed more of – confusion. I truly had a terrible time getting past this confusion. It was everywhere, and came on willy-nilly, leaving me sitting there staring into space or wondering how I got where I was.
I think its cleared away, the foggy days are fewer. My primary wants me to see a neurosurgeon, although I don’t know what good it will do. But with all the different doctors I’ve been seeing and all the different prescriptions I’m told will make me better, who am I to argue? But I do pay closer attention to side effects.
If you are taking more than one med for what ails you, check the side effects. You’ll be amazed at what your system is putting up with. Several of the ones I’m taking mention drowsiness, loss of balance, confusion, yadda, yadda – little wonder I stagger once in awhile, feel sleepy a lot and sometimes feel confused. Why shouldn’t I? I’ve got three or four drugs in me to make sure I do. All you can ask is that these drugs do what they are intended to do.
It’s not that I had not intended to keep up with my writing. I had quite a stack of initial attempts to entertain you. But half way through each piece they stop. It’s pretty obvious what occurred. I ran out of things to say, and, later, couldn’t remember what I was trying to say in the first place. They have just been deleted. I refuse to allow them to continue confusing me. It is maddening to try to decipher something you’d just written and can’t make hide nor hair of. You’re never sure if it’s the side effects or encroaching age. The same was happening with books I was trying to read. I would read a paragraph then forget what I just read – or perhaps I simply wasn’t understanding it in the first place.  Same with television – the whole memory thing was a washout.

I think I’m thinking fairly straight nowadays. I have my moments but, all in all, thinking is running fairly smooth. We’ll see how it goes.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

The Left a Gaggle of Honking Geese?

I have plumb got tired of listening to the evening news – though Fox seems to get it right, still. I thought the creeps and howlies and things that go bump in the evening might back off after the election. I mean, the election is over, Donald J Trump is president, and there is nothing these screeching idiots can do about it.
Or is there? The hoots and jeers seem to strengthen daily as each morsel of lies and innuendo reach the ears of wacko aficionados ready to spew “false news” over the airways. There is no lie that is too farfetched for these nuts to forget about. The President and his men go dutifully about Making America a Better Place; the liberal Democrats do nothing but bellyache and moan, and make the betterment of America a tougher job than it needs to be.
One might say, “the commies have come home to roost.”  This is the same batch of crazed lunatics that were raising hell back in the sixties. I was there. These clowns blew up buildings, led riots, stayed stoned and, low and behold, they grew up to be anti-American lunatics. Students became socialist professors, law students evolved into liberal judges out to destroy the fabric of what realAmericans stood for. The dumbest of the bunch went to work for MSNBC and CNN and NBC and CBS and ABC. Yes, there were jobs for all the dumb asses. And they all had the same agenda.
They really are a shameless bunch of sonsabitches. Their candidate barely escaped jail time for treason. They are doing everything in their power to destroy the rightful president of the United States.
A lot of what’s going on falls on the heads of the media. It has, through its wide circulation, acquired much too much power. The left represents bullying in the extreme. Anyone who falls afoul of the media has a tough row to hoe. They never give up pounding away, until eventually, their prey succumbs and goes wherever it is dead media prey disappears to. The media has absolutely nothing else to do but pound, pound, pound away at whatever poor sap they’ve decided not to like today.
The last great newsman was none of these clowns we see on TV every night (with the exceptional of Bret Baier, who I think is hugely professional). The last great newsman was Walter Cronkite. Cronkite was anchor man for the CBS Evening News for most of twenty years. His was considered America’s most trusted newsman. And he was a flaming liberal democrat!
But you never knew it. Cronkite never once let his political affiliation known on the air. He considered such a disclosure a violation of trust. Wouldn’t the evening news be more civil if there were a few more Cronkites  serving up the nations news?
I am bored with watching the likes of Chris Matthews  and the “false news” reporters on CNN attempt to bully every conservative politician they can think of. People who watch liberal news should be getting it by now – THERE’S NO SUCH ANIMAL AS A DECENT CONSERVATIVE. Even if you actually believe that, don’t you get a little tired of hearing it? I mean I get a little tired of thinking of liberals as assholes. I know most of them are, but I tire of hearing it all the time.
For the media, and I suspect other rabid pinkos, all conservative flaws are character flaws. There are few, if any, “nice guy” conservatives. We are all some kind of morphrodites. We are certainly racists, all, homophobes, all, we think people should use the biologically appropriate lavatories, and, yes, we think President Trump should do his best to keep terrorists out of our country. (It galls me there are so many so-called Americans against this idea. I wonder what the lib opinion would be if Trump was a democrat?)
If other than liberals considered we conservatives flawed, I might be worried. But as I look at the bunch of them from where I sit, I see a gaggle of honking geese with nothing better to do but squawk and flap around. Just aired headed squawking. It been going on for years, and I suppose I got used to it. I started getting the idea about the gaggle back in the seventies. Just recently President Trump’s budget put the kibosh on the global-warming krap the left has been trying to saddle us with for the past, what?, thirty years?

I need only remember this was the same gaggle of screwballs that were howling about an Ice Age back in the seventies. It’s true – look it up! 

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Explaining My Life Away

Yeah, I’m a little late in getting this piece to those of you who read it. I apologize.
Truth is, I haven’t much felt like writing.  Perhaps if I explain, you’ll understand.
I have several health problems that I’m dealing with. Usually, only one manifests itself at a given time. It might be the diabetic neuropathy, which can cause your feet to burn – there are no flames but it sure feels like there are. Often, the afflicted endures an especially exhilarating  experience, when your feet feel as if there are ulcers, or perhaps boils, on the bottom of the feet. There are no real sores , but it sure feels like there are. Or it might be the arthritic knee that starts throbbing , not allowing too much use. Or perhaps the worst of all  - spinal stenosis – shows up and raises hell for a few days. Stenosis is a strangling of the spinal column, which pulls the walls of the column into the nerves. Yes, there are real nerves there, and it sure feels like it.
There are medicines, palliatives really, that help … sometimes, but not particularly. Lyrica helps the feet. It really does take the pain away … but one of the side effects – Oh, those side effects! – is that it makes the user gain weight. I quit Lyrica for awhile and lost thirty pounds. When the feet started to hurt again I got back on Lyrica for a couple of weeks and gained ten pounds back! Meanwhile, Dan McManus, the realty guy, told me about Amitriptiline, which helps. I haven’t noticed any upward movement on bathroom scales, as yet. Wait and see.
When the knee is throbbing, there isn’t much that can be done. Just sit still and watch whatever ballgame comes on. Same with the stenosis. These two problems are only, sort of, fixable. The knee will keep getting worse until replacement becomes the only option. I dread the day. Unfortunately, the back is a different story. The last neurosurgeon I saw, Dr. CW Kung of Elmira, said he couldn’t fix what was wrong there.  Same with the Laser Spine Institute. They and Dr. Kung both said there is too much to fix. Ouch. That hurts. The last thing you want your doctor to say is, “I can’t help you.” My questions were all answered months later when yet another neurosurgeon, while holding  my MRI up to examine it, said, “Wow! I’ve never seen so much arthritis in one back, that’s for sure!” This was the guy who shot me down for getting one of those spine stimulators. He said there was so much arthritis, there was no room for the stimulator! Tired of getting bad news from neurosurgeons, I stopped going to doctors … except for the optician, the dermatologist, and the cardiologist I saw last week, I’m doing well.
I know what some of you are thinking: You’re thinking, aren’t you, that all the stuff that caused me to ail did not stop me from walking? You see? I know what you are thinking. Let me see if I can change your mind. It is true, is it not, that when you ail in a hurting way, you look for a comfortable place to sit. Once found, you thoughtlessly throw the family cat from that place and fall in to it. It feels so good to you, this comfy spot, that you swear you’ll never move from it.
Suddenly, you remember there is a term paper due tomorrow. You put it off all semester, but your time is up, and you have not even researched it. Not only that, Mrs. Battles, (or as you usually call your senior class teacher, Old Battleax)told the whole class that if the term paper was, for some godly or ungodly reason not turned in, or if it were not of senior class quality, that person would not receive his or her diploma.
“Oh, my God,” you say, “That woman, the Battleax, is ruining my sick days – hell, my whole sick weekend.”
You hatch a plan. You call your best friend, a very smart girl, and putting on your very best sick voice, you ask her to research the Battle of Fredericksburg, a Civil War battle.  And could she do it tonight, and you yourself will write the paper tomorrow when you’re feeling better.

And you think you won’t forgive me for turning in this late paper? Of course you will. You been here before, haven’t you. By the way, is your paper ready to hand in? I’d bet you are all in the library tonight. Whadya bet?

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Thieves and Democrats think alike.

There certainly seems to be a lot of vermin around willing to crap on other people’s lives. They loot, tell lies, run fake protests, but I guess that’s Democrats for you.
Many people have emailed me to ask if there wasn’t something that could be done to remedy the situation. A few answers presented themselves but I thought the first thing to do would be to interview a Democrat and see what he thought.
“Tell me why people like you loot,” I asked a guy named Ratty Lowlife.
“Aw, go ahead, blame me, why don’t ya?”
“Hey, wait I wasn’t blaming you personally …”
“Yeah, but you were gonna. I know your type, Newshawk. You’re just like all the rest …”
“The rest of who?”
“You know. Cops. News reporters. Soc …social, people who study other people. Victims are always complaining and blaming people like me when lies are being told, and there are protests happening.”
“But you’re a Democrat. What do you think - there’s someone else to blame those things on? Certainly, you wouldn’t blame a Republican. It’s not our style. Republicans have more class than Democrats ever had. “
“Oh, pooh. Republicans have some nerve, blaming Democrats for all the nasty stuff that goes on. If there’s a riot, Republicans blame Democrats. Worse, they claim that wealthy Democrats are paying us to stage riots.”
“Well, it’s true!”
“Is not!”
“Is so!”
“Uh, uh!”
“I’ll bet you’re one of them that hates President Trump.”
“Oh, god, I thought I was gonna faint when he got elected.”
“Did you huddle in a doorway clutching your teddy bear tightly to your chest? You look the type!” I said with a big smile.
“Yeah, screw you, Newshawk. I was upset!”
“Oh, so you and all the other sissies were cringing somewhere, tightly holding your teddy bears?”
“Mine was a fuzzy lamb.”
“One you just stole from the toy department of some store, after smashing in the window?
“Well, yeah, I guess.”
“See what I mean? Did it have a pink bow around its neck?” trying to sound sympathetic.
“Naw, not when I got it. I had to …er … find one. Put it around her neck.”
“A bow you just stole from the toy department of some store, after smashing out the window?”
“Yeah, but, did you know these store owners have insurance on their stuff, in case it get stole?”
“Sure, they have to recover their losses somehow.”
Lowlife looked as if he were about to pop. “If shop keepers can get money back when their stuff gets stole, then I think we thieves should get paid for stealing it, in the first place.”
“Well, I … er … don’t doubt that you think that way.“
“But does anybody pay us for stealing the stuff in the first place … or breaking the window? N-A-A-A-W.”
“What do you think should be done to ease the plight of the hapless thief?” I asked.
“You’re saying that instead of being punished for being a thief, you should be paid for being one?”
“Yepper. You got it, Champ. Say I’m walking along and I see a car I like with the keys left in it. Now, you gotta know, man, it’s my duty to steal that car. I mean, it’s only right. Right?”
“Yeah, sure … I guess.”
“Say I don’ take the car and turn in a voucher and collect a couple of grand from an insurance company or a bank or someplace.  Everyone would be better off, ain’t that the truth?”

“Or you could go into left-wing politics – you think just like a Democrat!”

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Cowboy Don Takes on Lefty Rodeo

Several readers have asked why it is that I haven’t been writing anything about politics. Well, it’s like this: For the past eight years (or so) I’ve been picking up a lot of good material on a presidential type who is, was and always will be a liberal Democrat. And liberal Democrats are oh-h-h-h so much more interesting to write about than just about anything else I can think of to write.
Let’s face it, there’s a lot of shit wrong with liberal Democrats, especially this latest batch.
All this crap about riots and mobs and beating up people … who the hell do these people think they are, anyway? Shitheads having a hissy fit.
All of the turmoil, almost entirely aimed at President Trump, comes via the Democrats – we all know that. These riots are all bought and paid for by wealthy Democrats – George Soros, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama (and many others – Chucky Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Dingy Harry Reid, Moonbeam Jerry Brown, and so on, to name just a few). These people are seething because they lost the election. Never mind they had a poor, unlikeable candidate, who fully expected to win in a landslide, and the Left never once doubted her ability to pull it off. They thought they had a super female running for the most powerful job in the world, who couldn’t possibly lose to an outsider with no (or little) political experience. Donald Trump was not supposed to win that election, and nobody knows it better than the Democrats. And, man, oh, man, they are pissed. And man, oh, man, am I glad they’re pissed because I would hate to wake up every morning with the thought of dealings with Hillary Clinton as president. The right person won the election, no doubt about it, but it will be impossible to convince very many Democrats that that’s the case.
Democrats never admit they are wrong, just as they never allow a fellow Democrat to be successfully accused of anything. When that happens the entire party circles the wagons, to protect the accused. When a Republican is accused of something (doesn’t matter what it is), all Republicans run for the hills, so as not to attract any “taint” to themselves. In the current vernacular, they are thrown under the bus. Not so Democrats. Prime example: Hillary Clinton.  Everybody knew the woman was guilty of all that business with the emails and the shaking down of world leaders for very large sums of money as down payments for favors when she became president. Anybody else is in jail; Not Hillary. Why? The Left simply couldn’t afford to have its presidential candidate locked up for treason. Instead of habitating a jail cell, HRC is sitting home financing riots in America’s streets and doing whatever she can to disrupt the legitimate presidency of Donald Trump.
Meanwhile, the president is going about causing his campaign promises to come to fruition. He said he would build a wall between us and Mexico. He’s already proposed that legislation. He said he wanted to keep people whose backgrounds were unknowable out of the country; the Left blocked that move but it ain’t over yet. He wants to Repeal and Replace BOcare, and plans are in the mix. He wants to overhaul the nation’s infrastructure: he’s just asked Congress for a trillion dollars to do it. And there’s more, plenty more. All stuff he said he would do while on the campaign trail. There’s no B.S. in the Oval Office now, friends and neighbors. We got us a real action figure in Donald J. Trump.
Y’all kin call me names and all; Hell, I don’t care what you say. I’m just gonna sit back and enjoy the rodeo. I’m gonna sit back and watch as Cowboy Don ropes and ties them lefty heifers and bulls with any balls (if he can a lefty bull with any). Yessiree, and a fine show it will be – watching as Cowboy Don makes America Great Again. Yah, Ho-o-o-o!

And shame to any assholes who stand in his way.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Nothing Much New About New Cars

Shopping for a new car is no less mind-boggling then shopping for a bottle of shampoo – there is so much to choose from without having any real choice. There is a perplexing sameness to the myriad items in a particular category, but that hasn’t stopped the advertising claims that each is superior to the other, when the only real difference might be the color. Or in the case of cars, the shape of the taillight.
I found myself in a bit of a traffic jam the other day – a traffic jam in Steuben County is when  there are six other cars in view of your car all headed the same way on the highway – and I noticed how little difference there was among them. They weren’t all the same make, either – there were a couple of Chevys, and couple of Fords, and they all had the names of sports teams on them – Cougars, Broncos, Lynxes - no Donkeys or Mules, however.
I was snooping around on a new car lot one day, just kicking some tires as the saying goes, when I became mindful that some of the major parts seemed to be lacking. Some of the fixtures that used to come with a new set of wheels had, indeed, become options. And in many cases the only designation used to identify a car was a set of letters and numbers.
I was kicking the tires on an SUV when a guy walks up and wonders if he can help me.
“Nice looking car,” I noted.
“Yessir, That’s one of our QZRK22PKUs. She’s a beauty, ain’t she?”
“What’s the name of this thing,” I asked.
“It’s a Water Buffalo, sir.”
“A QZ … What did you say this was?”
“A QZRK22PKU, sir ,,,”
“How do you know that? All it says here is Water Buffalo.”
“We are required to memorize the model numbers, sir.  This is just one of the models of this make of car. For instance, over there is a QRV …”
“I’d like to look at that one over there,” pointing in the opposite direction. “What’s that called?”
“That’s one of our newest models – the Mama Hippo, model GSPM7-ought-ought D. The slightly smaller one next to it is a Baby Hippo and the big sucker  is the Bull …”
“How’dya tell a Hippo from a Water Buffalo.”
“The biggest difference is the price. Hippos cost a little more.”
“You don’t say? Why is that? Where’s the difference,” I asked.
“Hippos come road-ready. You just hop in and drive away!”
“You can’t do that in a Water Buffalo …
“Or a River Rhino …”
“A what?”
“A River Rhino, sir. That’s one you’re leaning on.”
“What would I have to do to one of them in order to be able to drive it off the lot?”
“Put a carburetor on it.”
“There’s no carburetor on this 45,000 dollar car?”
“Nope, carburetors are extra. But it does come stock with a glove compartment, three cup holders, and windshield wipers. You have to pay a little more for seats, though; seats are extras.”
“Oh, yeah? How about a radio?”
“Radios are optional. We do have a wide range to choose from, though. You can get a standard AM/FM or one with multiband overseas capability, which is installed in the trunk.”
“If you can get one in there,” looking over a Water Buffalo Calf in the adjacent row. “I suppose all of your cars come equipped with a steering wheel and tires? I think you guys have been screwing up when putting spares in the newer models; they’re much too small; they look as though they belong on a wheelbarrow.”
“Yessir. We’re just trying to keep the price down. We’re very people minded – bullish on America, as it were.”
“Yeah, right. What else you got?”
“Well, let’s see. Over there’s an Armadillo; right next to it is a Platypus. If you like a four-wheel drive pickup, there’s a Pack-E-Derm – it’s the same one you see on TV sitting on a mountaintop with no roads going up it.”
“Yeah. Good ad for helicopters, and I don’t see one around here. Besides, if I’m going up a mountain that steep, I’d rather have a mountain goat. Say, you got a Mountain Goat around here? Ah, never mind, I don’t have much use for a truck that can climb over boulders and crush rows of cars. I don’t come up on many of them on the way to the “Y”.
“Say-y-y, what’s that sitting over there by the showroom? Looks like a Ford or a Chevy or maybe a Buick.”

“Naw. That’s just the boss’s Cadillac. Nothing special about that.”

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Putting DC's Best to Good Use

 I was happily at home tinkering in my garage. I had just finished nailing a couple of boards together when my pal Red-State Louie arrived with a six-pack of Red Dog.
“Hey, ‘Hawk, whatcha making?” Louie wanted to know, handing me a beer.
“Working on a prototype for a new green car,” says I.
“Prototype, huh? I see you’re making it out of wood. That’s pretty green. What’s it gonna run on, wood chips? That would be really green, eh, eh.”
“B.S. I figure to set up shop within an easy drive of the Crapitol. Fuel would be in endless supply. The only catch would be that the Socialists would soon find a way to tax it.”
“Yeah, it’s the only commodity they ever produced down there. You’d think they’d pay you to haul it out of there. Better watch it, they’ll be charging you to haul it away, then taxing you for using it. Whadya gonna call your green car?”
“The Fart. It’ll be manufactured with green materials, it might as well have a green name. Farts are a natural phenomenon. They’re part and parcel to b.s. Help me lift the hood into place, would ya?”
We put the hood on and, of course, it fit perfectly. Louie asked, “Where’s the fenders, I don’t see any?”
“Ah, it won’t need fenders. They’ll just get all dinged up when you’re in the Walmart parking lot. The insurance companies will love the Fart.”
“This thing have a roof?” Louie asked.
“Yeah, over there, that piece of blue tarp I got down at the hardware store. Help me stretch it across these upright pieces. There we go, now it looks like a real green prototype.”
“Looks like a piece of crap, to me, somethin’ right out of the Beverly Hillbillies.” opined Louie, taking a big slug of Red Dog.
“I could put a coat of paint on it, I s’pose.” I went into the garage and gathered several partial cans of paint. After prying the lids off, I poured them all together and mixed the colors. I came out with a lovely chartreuse and, grinning from ear to ear, began slapping the paint on with a stiff, old brush. “There,” I said at the end, “is a thing of beauty.”
“Yeah, right. Hey, who’s going to pay for the production of this, er, work of art.?”
“The Energy Department. Bureaucrats are always looking for green projects to throw money at. They’ve already blown about six and a half billion of our dollars on green projects that don’t work. The Fart is just the type of thing they’re looking for. You’re not only looking at a prototype, you’re looking at a proto-millionaire.”
“Is there an alternate fuel source? I mean, what if, heaven forbid, and I know it’s unlikely, you run out of b.s?”
I unlocked the trunk and threw up the lid to show him the solar panels. “The Energy Department will get all giddy and start writing a check as soon as they see these. Solar panels are hugely green. I thought about installing a mast and a big sail to use wind, which is another big green thing. But the Fart would really be ugly with a sail sticking up through the roof.”
“Yeah, well it’s obvious you have good taste, eh, eh.. You’re a real Michelangelo.”
“True. True. Maybe I’ll rename the Fart. Call it the Mikey!”
“Why not just call it the Fred. Hell, you invented this thing and built it from scratch. There were lots of early pioneers in the auto industry that named their first cars after themselves – Oldsmobile, Ford, Packard. Ford named one after his son Edsel. Naming your car the Fred would put you in some pretty tall company.”
“Ah, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just call it the BS Bus. Or maybe the Green Wienie. Ha, the Energy Department getting diddled by the Green Wienie! Ah, hell, there’s no use diddling somebody that don’t know they’re being diddled.”
“By the way, does this contraption really work?” he asked just as a tow truck backed into the driveway. The driver came back and began hooking up the Fart so as to pull it onto the bed of the truck.

“What? Surely you jest, my friend! If it actually worked, I’d never get any money from the government.”

Monday, January 30, 2017

A Future Sales Pitch

For many years now, the banks have been sending credit cards in the mail. You’ve been preapproved for a loan, of course, or so they say in the beginning. You really haven’t, you see, until you respond and the bank has run a credit check on you, to see if you’re worthy of their trust. Then, you might receive a credit card with a ridiculously low credit limit on it, just enough to bait you into seeking a higher one.
It used to be, back when interest rates weren’t so low and the banks were making money, it was easier to get a loan. You’d get all gussied up in your best suit and, God forbid, shine your shoe before going to see a loan officer and do your best impressing him or her with your trustworthiness for using some of their money. How well a person presented himself , the pride he took in his appearance, clearly had a bearing on the officer’s decision.
Not anymore. Most people have forgotten how to dress properly; most couldn’t tie a knot in a tie for the life of them. Others couldn’t fathom the process of shining their shoes – after all, you really can’t shine a pair of sneakers.
This change in grooming habits of the average American hasn’t stopped the banks from devising ways to do business with you. Banks and companies with products to sell have lost sleep dreaming up ways to put those products right into your home, short of dropping them in your mailbox personally. What if the  credit industry should take the bull by the horns and, instead of sending the means to buy, just go ahead and send the merchandise.
Imagine coming home from work, or the unemployment line, wherever you spend your day these days, to find a brand new La-Z Boy recliner sitting right where your old La-Z Boy recliner used to sit.
“Say,” you say to your wife (or whomever you’re sharing space with these days), “where did the brand-spanking new La-Z Boy recliner come from, dear (or whomever).”
“The nice people at the furniture store dropped it off this afternoon,” dear says. “Isn’t is lovely?”
“Oh, yeah, it’s a beauty,” you say, “But who told the furniture store to deliver the lovely La-Z Boy recliner?”
“Nobody. They just figured it was time you had a new one.”
“They did, did they? And did they figure how we are going to pay for the lovely La-Z Boy recliner?”
“Oh, don’t worry about a thing, dear. The store said they have taken care of everything. They were so wonderful. They arranged to have the payments removed from your social security check every month Isn’t that wonderful?”
“Yeah, I’ll say,” you say.
There are, as you know, many products that can be bought in such a way. I don’t think I’d want to be in the room when my wife opens a surprise package of women’s undergarments shipped from Frederick’s of Hollywood. That should not be considered a part of a successful marketing strategy.
But, what if you arrived home one day to find a brand new car sitting in your driveway, perhaps a real spiffy one like a 2017 BMW 1055 Gran Torino, msrp about $100,000. Or maybe a 2017 Cadillac CTS Sport Sedan, selling for circa 60,000 balloons. Lying in the front seat you discover an envelope addressed to CARSORT 2017 DQ – Occupant, which, sad to say, is you. You rip open the envelope to find a form letter that reads:
“An exhaustive  credit analysis conducted by our firm revealed to us that you do not owe enough money. We have, therefore, chosen you to become the proud owner of this incredibly aesthetic, totally ergonomic, richly designed automobile.
“To save you the hassle of acquiring ownership of this fine ride - and ain’t it a beauty, sir? – we have extracted a nominal down payment from your savings account. This extraction was an amount your exhaustively researched financial portfolio indicates you can easily afford, provided, of course, you are not planning a withdrawal anytime in the near future.
“As a further service to you, sir, we have taken the liberty of registering this great set of wheels  - and it truly is a beauty, isn’t it, sir? – in your name at the department of motor vehicles in your state of residence. You will find the registration fee on your credit card statement tagged DMV fee. On a personal note, please observe the personalized vanity plates already attached to the vehicle, which we are confident you will drive with pride. The cost of the plates and associated fees have been added to your water bill.
“Listen up! Should you choose to reject our kind offer, dial the above 900 number anytime between the hours of three and five a.m. on Saturday or Sunday morning; ask for the Phantom. Following the receipt of your call, we will initiate the necessary procedures to repossess this, the slickest automobile in the world today, from your premises. You have three days, including yesterday, to make this most important decision.
“Additionally, a refusal to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become the proud owner of this precision-built dandy, you will be liable for towing charges plus the cost of the totally over-priced vanity plates and, oh yeah, the smiley faces on the mirrors, which were added at our expense. Also, it will be your responsibility to notify the DMV and pay any transfer fees.
“Also, it will be your responsibility to contact our attorneys at your expense to arrange an equitable reimbursement to us for the inconvenience of wasting our time on you. If, however, we do not hear from you, your first interest payment is due the day after tomorrow.

“Sincerely, your good buddies at Movers and Shakers Merchandisers Inc. Somewhere Off Shore, USA!”

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Making America Great Again

I was browsing through the Breitbart website and ran across an article that got my goat.

Apparently, Kellogg's (yes, the breakfast food people, among other things) have been contributing beaucoup bucks to the likes of George Soros for the purpose of gunning down policemen.

According to the article, Kellogg's is contributing heavily to Soros' Open Society Institute and the Tide Center, organizations that spread hatred across the USA thru groups like Black Lives Matter. It seems these race baiters believe an Open Society is one without white cops in it. Soros reportedly spent $30 million to foment the riots in Ferguson, Mo. Thirty million dollars to cause problems. What an asshole!

Just WTF is this old, white Hungarian SOB doing coming to this country and causing problems? We all know he is, or was anyway, a huge Hillary fan. He obviously was hoping for a Hillary win, as were so many others of his ilk. I wonder if the Clinton defeat means we've seen the end of the Clintons and the likes of George Soros, etal? Be nice wouldn't it? But my guess is they'll lay low and continue to cause problems from the shadows. With the Democrat media to whitewash every move, what is there to lose? Unless, of course, our wishy-washy Congress gets some backbone and enacts legislation that will put guys like Soros and his ilk in jail. Let's face it, if the government wants to put an end to something, all it has to is pass a law that makes illegal. Consider the RICO statutes that put an end to the mafia. (Yeah, I know it's still lurking in the shadows somewhere, but it's not operating in the open like it used to). What if Congress put out a similar law? Call it JARBS - Jail All Race Baiting Scum. Make the law say all the race baiters have to do show the characteristics of fomenting racial intolerance. Just like with RICO. All gangsters needed to do was become involved in activities that looked like they were involved in illegality and/or corruption. Bingo, they were hit with RICO, and most of the mafioso boys ended up in the hoosegow.

Gangsters and people who start riots and kill cops are all terrorists of sorts. Gangsters stole from people, beat up people, killed people, stole people's businesses. Big difference between the groups was the race baiters want to kill cops, the mafia wanted them on their side.

You might think it's unconstitutional to throw people in the hoosegow on supposition, and you might be right. There are a lot of good lawyers that would agree with you. Rudy Guiliani was attorney general when the RICO act was passed and he used it to put a lot of bad guys in the hoosegow. But I've heard Guiliani say RICO was not constitutional, but it got the job done. Perhaps a similar law could put an end to the depredations of people like Soros and his ilk. Very few have been considerate of the Constitution in the past few years anyway. Let's use the indifference for something good.

In the meantime, and I'm going to need your help here, what do you say we boycott Kellogg's products? Hey, I know it means shunning those sugar frosted flakes, but there are other brands that are close to the same thing and are probably a bit cheaper. Just don't buy anything with a Kellogg's label on it. And while we're at it, I think it's about time we consumers made Hollywood pay for its liberal views. Actors and actresses expound liberal tripe and financially support liberal causes, then laugh all the way to the bank. Most of them are millionaires at our expense and it's time we hit them where it hurts - in the pocketbook.

My wife and I have decided to do our part by staying away from movie theaters for two years. There are plenty of reruns on TV we haven't seen. And we will buy other brands of the things that Kellogg's sells.

How about it? Will you join us? We have to make a stand sometime. We have a new president who has promised to make America great again! Let's help him.  Let's start right now

The Flip Side