There certainly seems to be a lot of vermin around willing to crap on other people’s lives. They loot, tell lies, run fake protests, but I guess that’s Democrats for you.
Many people have emailed me to ask if there wasn’t something that could be done to remedy the situation. A few answers presented themselves but I thought the first thing to do would be to interview a Democrat and see what he thought.
“Tell me why people like you loot,” I asked a guy named Ratty Lowlife.
“Aw, go ahead, blame me, why don’t ya?”
“Hey, wait I wasn’t blaming you personally …”
“Yeah, but you were gonna. I know your type, Newshawk. You’re just like all the rest …”
“The rest of who?”
“You know. Cops. News reporters. Soc …social, people who study other people. Victims are always complaining and blaming people like me when lies are being told, and there are protests happening.”
“But you’re a Democrat. What do you think - there’s someone else to blame those things on? Certainly, you wouldn’t blame a Republican. It’s not our style. Republicans have more class than Democrats ever had. “
“Oh, pooh. Republicans have some nerve, blaming Democrats for all the nasty stuff that goes on. If there’s a riot, Republicans blame Democrats. Worse, they claim that wealthy Democrats are paying us to stage riots.”
“Well, it’s true!”
“I’ll bet you’re one of them that hates President Trump.”
“Oh, god, I thought I was gonna faint when he got elected.”
“Did you huddle in a doorway clutching your teddy bear tightly to your chest? You look the type!” I said with a big smile.
“Yeah, screw you, Newshawk. I was upset!”
“Oh, so you and all the other sissies were cringing somewhere, tightly holding your teddy bears?”
“Mine was a fuzzy lamb.”
“One you just stole from the toy department of some store, after smashing in the window?
“Well, yeah, I guess.”
“See what I mean? Did it have a pink bow around its neck?” trying to sound sympathetic.
“Naw, not when I got it. I had to …er … find one. Put it around her neck.”
“A bow you just stole from the toy department of some store, after smashing out the window?”
“Yeah, but, did you know these store owners have insurance on their stuff, in case it get stole?”
“Sure, they have to recover their losses somehow.”
Lowlife looked as if he were about to pop. “If shop keepers can get money back when their stuff gets stole, then I think we thieves should get paid for stealing it, in the first place.”
“Well, I … er … don’t doubt that you think that way.“
“But does anybody pay us for stealing the stuff in the first place … or breaking the window? N-A-A-A-W.”
“What do you think should be done to ease the plight of the hapless thief?” I asked.
“You’re saying that instead of being punished for being a thief, you should be paid for being one?”
“Yepper. You got it, Champ. Say I’m walking along and I see a car I like with the keys left in it. Now, you gotta know, man, it’s my duty to steal that car. I mean, it’s only right. Right?”
“Yeah, sure … I guess.”
“Say I don’ take the car and turn in a voucher and collect a couple of grand from an insurance company or a bank or someplace. Everyone would be better off, ain’t that the truth?”
“Or you could go into left-wing politics – you think just like a Democrat!”