In Search of the Unlikely

      It’s about that time in the election cycle when politicians of all stripes begin to look at the current administration, and to catalogue its achievements. Those on the Right, in this case, are looking for anything that can be turned into slander and accusations of malfeasance. With the current administration there is a lot of stuff that could be used in this manner, but conservatives are much too “polite” to expose the Left for what it is. (I wonder why).

In the case of the Left, there is lots of casting about for something that can be claimed as a success. Once something of significance is found, there will be lots of crowing and ballyhooing, ranting about what a great president we have in the White House. I realize looking for such illusive things can be very difficult, and, boy, if your job depended on it, now wouldn’t be a good time to sign a lease on a new Cadillac.

I was wandering around in the woods again when I ran into a man and a woman walking a along swinging a Geiger counter in front of them. They were deep in conversation, and as I drew near, I heard the woman say with a worried tone in her voice, “There’s has to be one around here some place!”

“I’m trying, dear, but there just isn’t anything to find.”

“Pardon me,” I said, “what are you looking for?”

“We thought we might be able to detect something of significance accomplished by the current administration. We’re liberals and thought it would be easy, but the more we look, the more we realize there isn’t much to detect,” the commie lib woman said. “Harold, turn the Geiger counter up to a higher sensitivity, and let’s try over there.”

Knowing their search would be fruitless and feeling a little (but not much) sorry for the lost, deluded souls, I let them go their way and continued along the Path of Right. Soon I came upon a man hiding behind a tree and peeking around it, looking toward a farm a distance away. He was wearing a cap with a propeller on top and a pair of rose-colored, owl-frame glasses with lenses as thick as bottle caps. He eyes were beady, he had buck teeth, and he drooled.

I said, “What are you doing here behind this tree?”

“S-h-h-h, quiet,” he said. “You’ll scare it off.”

“Scare what off,” asked I

“I’m a liberal …”

“I could have guessed that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m looking for an accomplishment of the current regime, er, I mean, administration. I thought I saw one over there by the barn.”

“This I gotta see. Come on, sport, I’ll go with you.”

We arrived at the barn and he says, “Do ya see anything?”

“No, but I’m not surprised. They are very rare, you know?”

“Oh, yeah? You must be one of those bigoted homophobes, who don’t like the president because he’s black.”

“No, as a matter of fact I don’t know anybody who doesn’t like the president because he’s black. The president aside, we don’t like his policies or what he stands for. And, we wouldn’t like either of those things if he were white or any other color.”

“So you don’t like any of his accomplishments?” the twit asks.

“Well, there aren’t many. That’s why you can’t find any just laying around; you have to go on safari to catch up to one. In fact, I’m amazed you thought you saw one just now.”

“Okay, smarty pants, how about his role in the assassination of Osama bin Laden? That was great!” he insists, spitting as he talks.

“Yeah, it was great. The press and the White House gave him the credit for it, but, truth be known, he damn near blew the operation by making the SEALS wait so long to shoot the guy.”

“He was great, and there’s lots of other stuff, too. Its around here someplace.” The little propeller was spinning like crazy. “Come on, let’s go across the barnyard to the house.”

We climbed through the board fence (climbing over them is too strenuous). We came upon a dried up cow pie, and I said, “Why don’t you look under there?”

He turned it over with the toe of his hiking boot and sure enough there was the Stimulus. “Ah, ha!” he exclaimed. “ I told ya. Let’s try this cow pie here,” kicking over another one. “Ah, ha. Illegal immigrants! E-e-e-e, ha!”

“Try that one over there,” I said pointing to a freshly deposited cow plop.

He kicked it, and the stuff stuck to this boot. “Yuck! A rigged election!”

“That’s what I say, and, believe me, that’s going to be a tough stink to get off your boot.”